How has it already been 2 weeks tomorrow ? Every precious moment seems to be gone in an instant, he’s even outgrown his newborn clothing already. Luckily, each moment next seems to be equally as sweet, and regardless of how large he grows I only seem to love him more each day.
It would be a lie to say everything has been easy. It would be false to pretend there hasn’t been many moments of wincing at the engorged breasts, or questions about my own competency when I couldn’t figure out the meaning of a cry… It would be idealistic to act as though it all has come smoothly and without trial and error.
However, it all together has felt like a dream. Watching Billy fall in love with Cosmo, caring for him, and learn how to better that care has been the most beautiful bonding experience I could ever imagine. Allowing him to cater to my small, and large, and sometimes what feels like to me never ending needs has been both humbling and the most intimate experience of my life next to the labor we walked thru 2 weeks ago.
Finding a balance for any family is a dance, and I can’t even fathom how single parents, or parents of multiples survive. I guess we only know our reality so we manage to walk thru what is handed our way. Hats off to all my single parents and parents of multiples in my life. You are all amazing. As we find our own balance I find myself washed in gratitude that Billy is the man he is, patient, calm, willing to adjust and alter and learn on the go. I feel so grateful for our relationship and him, that I feel almost in a state of bliss or a permanent glow.
So here we are, I suppose stumbling forward as any new parent does… with hopefulness for a smooth and healthy future. We find ourselves in a constant state of questioning to learn more, and attempting to bask in every moment knowing it is fleeting.
And in the middle of the last few weeks we held another Hawaii Mountain Running race the Go Big 50km. Cosmo had a big day out, luckily I had two extra set of hands, a friend Alec to drive our truck, and Kalea a friends daughter to help with Cosmo. Billy ran a great race, hitting several PRs and so did all the other racers who came to try to get personal bests Or qualify for the 50k world championships. https://youtu.be/Race Video 1 Race video 2
To say I was nervous about how the race day would go is an understatement. I didn’t know if I would have already had Cosmo, if I’d be in labor that day, or if I’d feel up to race director duties. Luckily it all worked out well, he was 10 days old on race day, and I felt great. So far I’ve only gone on a handful of short walks to get the dogs out and Cosmo so sunshine… but I’ve had to resist doing more since day 1, so I’m super pleased with my recovery. At first, I felt like it was post road 100 miler, with bone aches, stiffness, and a small tear that felt painfully similar to 100 miler chafe. But after 3 days I’ve felt like myself again, just a little low energy from a new sleep pattern. Luckily, a few clients have let me return to coaching, and my podcast can be recorded while nursing. Working though minimally, makes me feel more normal in my new life rhythm and I’m so grateful that Billy is home for a few weeks to help with Cosmo so I can do it with minimal stress.
So how do we feel? Overwhelmingly in love, both with each other as lovers and as parents with our newest edition. Excited, for our future and the lessons it will hold. Hopeful that we can exceed our parental goals and handle it with grace.
Stay tuned.
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