What a beautiful season of transition this pregnancy has been… although in honesty it hasn’t been without growing pains both literally and emotionally.
What I expected during pregnancy has never really come to fruition… being all out physically ill, miserable, tired, all of the symptoms. In fact, I would classify most of my discomfort as very mild, unless I’m tired then I find myself getting a little bit whiney at times. Luckily Billy, is patient and loving and kind and rational, so I can’t imagine going thru this season with anyone else. Well I can imagine it, but I’d prefer not to!
What I didn’t expect is the growing pains of emotional transition. I didn’t expect friends to react so violently to the news that I was pregnant and instantly change their reactions about well everything towards me. I didn’t expect for my choice to attempt a home birth to create such a strong negative reaction from people who had other birthing experiences. To be clear the only judgment I have against hospital birth, is that on practitioners who don’t push education and clarify for consent. I support any birthing person, who does what they find most empowering and safe for them and their child. I didn’t expect to deepen friendships with people I barely knew or only knew thru the internet (hi Jenn & Gina). I didn’t expect for theses new friendships to come in so strongly, that unfortunately there had to be a cleansing of the old. Some of these transitions were my choice, some were merely rejections from friends I thought I would have for life. What an unprecedented twist that took, growing pains and not necessarily in my abdomen but my heart.
Today is my “due date” and as the evening wears on, I write these moments of reflection… I’m sure some emotion comes thru, it’s impossible to lose a piece of the past without some form of grief.. but I choose in this time to find gratitude for the overwhelming support I have had from people I did and didn’t expect it from… and the losses that come with this joy, unfortunately they only revealed more of the truth about those people that I really wanted to accept.
Since this was one of the posts I shared (not the creator) that was so decisive it ended a relationship… and I stand by it… I’ll share it again here, so anyone non supportive can choose to exit now.
So there it is, a photo catapult to ending a relationship. Biological facts. If this triggers or upsets you, I invite you to read Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth or if you aren’t the reading type, perhaps watch the movie “The Business of Birth”. Or just do a few Google searches on home birth success rates for low risk pregnancies. America has one of the most unsafe birthing rates for any developed nation globally, and while yes medicine is amazing and life saving when needed… that is the opposite of “low risk.
Part of this pregnancy, was a journey to education that actually led me to become a doula to gain Continuing Credit Hours for my ND and learn as much as I could about the process in general. It’s been insightful, educational, and enlightening about the medical model of making birth well a business in America. I support anyone doing what they feel safest and happiest doing and I have no hang ups about transferring to a hospital if I feel the need or have any medical concerns. However, for people to judge the mother based off what they think is safest for her child, is to leave the mother out of the equation of birth, and to me that is fundamentally incorrect.
So here we go, to new seasons and to a hopefully a healthy “overdue” baby, sometime in the next day or 3 weeks!